Must Be My Magnetic Personality

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Of the 21 years I’ve been the proud owner of a driver’s license, I’ve had 5 car accidents to date. Three out of the 5 occurred within last 35 days.

The first one happened when the lovely Massachusetts had the last snow storm of the season. Yes, it had to be the last one. And also the car hit an utility pole right in front of my house. I was this close to making it home. The day before my daughter’s 2nd birthday.

Then the next one, my car became demon possessed and kept getting sucked into this BIG tractor/trailer truck. You know people say your life flash before your eyes…? Those people obviously don’t know what they are talking about! How does your brain have the spare energy and leisure to retrieve and watch any flash movies when your brain and every nerve is busy going: NO! NO! NO! DON’T GO THAT WAY! GO RIGHT ! GO RIGHT! NO! NO! GO LEFT! STRAIGHT! STRAIGHT! DON’T HIT THE TRUCK! I DON’T WANT TO HIT THE TRUCK!???!!! So, anyway I hit the truck.

Afterwards, I just sat there motionlessly.

I.

Hit.

A.

Truck.

Then I checked to see that I was still breathing. No blood dripping anywhere. I could still count to ten on my fingers. I wiggled my toes. The interior of my car was the same as before. I looked out the window and couldn’t see any damage from where I was sitting.

I.

AM.

ALIVE.

And I promise you I have been very very conservative and paying attention when I’m driving since then.

And then this morning when I was inching along in a stop-and-go traffic, another car rear-ended the rental car I was driving. My own car hasn’t even come back from the shop yet.

I’m seriously thinking about a telecommuting job.

In the meantime, if you ever see on the road an Asian woman sitting bolt upright in the driver’s seat, with her white-knuckled hands gripping the steering wheel, please – stay away from that car! Stay as far as you can from that lane. In fact, it would be advisable if you just go ahead and take a detour and go through another state instead. Because you never know if a meteorite shower is going to hit that vicinity any time soon.

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